I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
