haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
