im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
