had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
