I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
