We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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