i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
