I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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