and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
