I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
