Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
