Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

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(404): View more from Georgia

Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla

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(541): View more from Oregon

YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.

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