the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
