god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
