Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
