my phone needs a breathalizer
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
