I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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