i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
