Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
