Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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