I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
