Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
