she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
