please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
