She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
