the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
