Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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