'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
