Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!