Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.

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(630): View more from Illinois

i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(815): View more from Illinois

Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.

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(408): View more from California

she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????

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