Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.