I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening