There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
