she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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