i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
