never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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