So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
