im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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