I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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