Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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