ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
