And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
