Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
