and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
