the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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