I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
