sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
