big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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