You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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