I've blown a few things in my day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How's work?
Spinning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
