Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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