I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
