Me too!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
