i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize