she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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