drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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