i would punch a child for taco bell
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
did i just pee glitter
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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