I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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