I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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