i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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