well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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