I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
