dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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