I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
