Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
