The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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