An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I enjoy the company of your penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
