before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
