hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
