He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
