And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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