i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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