Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
