Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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