also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
