I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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