things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
