Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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