how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
