Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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