I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
