So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize