I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
