i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
